since i have nothing new to really add, I wanted to share a humorous view on the latest movies coming out published by Scott Adams (of Dilbert fame) in his dilbert blog.

SADISTIC MUMBLE MOVIES

Have you noticed that it takes at least two people to watch a movie
lately? It usually goes like this:

Movie Actor: Mumble, mumble, mumble

You: What did he say?

Other Person: He said he’s going to kill the dwarf, or something about
oatmeal.

Movie Actor: mumble, mumble, mumble

Other Person: What?

You: He said he loves ostriches, or maybe something about revenge.

Worse yet, over the course of the movie, the actors tend to become
beat-up, exhausted or drug addicted. And that means even
MORE mumbling. The difference is that the lips no longer move at all.
That’s called acting. Am I the only one who continues to turn up
the volume about ever five minutes for the entire movie?

And don’t get me started about the TV show 24, which should be
subtitled “Bad Things Happening to People Who Whisper.”

Last night I watched an award-winning movie on DVD. And by
award-winning, I mean that horrible things happen to mumbly
people in the beginning of the movie and then things continue
to get worse for the next three hours. Film makers know that
if they let the audience feel happiness or hear dialog, the Oscar
will slip through their fingers.

So there I sat, watching this DVD and feeling as if
someone were slapping me in the nuts with a rake handle.
The performances were spectacular, unfortunately, because
that made the pain all the more real. And because the movie was
well-made (in the same sense that the Boston Strangler was thorough)
I felt some obligation to stick it out to the end.

There’s some sort of unwritten rule that the worse a
movie makes you feel, the longer it must be. Comedies and
animated movies are generally well under two hours. But a movie
about well-dressed people drowning in ice water is going to threaten
the four hour mark.

The strangest part about the movie I watched last night is that
virtually all of my friends recommended it. Apparently I need
to get more specific when I ask about movies. Instead of asking
“How is the movie?” and getting “It’s great,” I should ask
“How did you feel when you watched the movie?” in which case
I would get “I felt like an SUV was parked on my chest and starving
rats were duct taped to my torso. The acting was great!”
Advertisements