My savoury PC recipe!

Ingredients:

Get out one big clean PC case bowl.
(it is NOT called a hard drive or a CPU, please believe)  Pre-inspect the case to make
sure it has adequate cooling
and bling. Below is my chosen case.

Gather the rest of the ingredients to be put into the case bowl. You will at least need the following:

Hard Drive(s):
These are the permanent place to store your files and programs such as
Word Documents, pr0n, mp3s, Windows, Microsoft Office, etc.

CPU Cooler: This spice counteracts the very spicy nature of the CPU peppers.

Video Card:
Though sometimes just thought of a garnish that makes the meal look
better, the Video Card has a big hand in the flavours presented. And this one kicks ass.

Memory:
Definately less filling, but tastes great. As you run programs, the
data in them as you use them is stored in memory so you can interact
with that information quickly. Memory is much faster than a hard drive.
And there’s always room for more memory! (And Jello)

Memory!

CPU:
The meat of the computer recipe. The rich flavours of the CPU influence
the meal greatly. This tasty meat can come from several animals,
AMDchickens, and IntelBeef. It’s a matter of personal preference, but
keep in mind only certain motherboard sauces will work with certain CPU
meat.

Motherboard:
The base sauce of the computer recipe, it glues all the other
ingredients together and brings out their flavours. Don’t even think
about completing a computer recipe without a Motherboard!

Motherboard

Power Supply:
Another base ingredient. You just can’t cook a computer without a Power
Supply. It would taste lifeless and just wouldn’t do much for you.=p

Optional Ingredients: CD Burner, DVD Burner, and Floppy vegetables.

Fans.
Some CPU meat is very strong and overpowering, as are some Video Cards.
These ingredients mellow the flavour of the final dish.

lotsa fan fun!

Directions:

  1. Connect the fans to the case.

  2. Put the power supply in the case, screw that sonnuva bitch in there.

  3. Connect the fan’s power wires to the power supply cables.
  4. Get your motherboard out on a nice flat open space so you can put the CPU, CPU Heatsink, and memory on it.

  5. Make fun of obvious low rate effort by motherboard’s
    marketing team to perform English translations. (UV On, Tweak fun!! –
    what the fuck does that mean?)

  6. Install
    CPU into motherboard. Careful, it has many pins (mine has 939 pins),
    and if even one if out of place or bent , you’ve borked your computer
    and likely  a very expensive CPU.

  7. Squeeze
    a very little amount of thermal goo on the installed CPU, spread very
    thinly and evenly. (This helps the heat transfer between the berry very
    hot CPU to the Heatsink)

  8. Install CPU Heatsink on top of the CPU, careful not to allow it to shift or move around very much.

  9. Install memory using the howTheFuckDoIGetMyFatFingersAndThisFuckingMemoryPastTheHugeFuckingFan
    method.

  10. Install brass standoffs into your case.

  11. Then place the motherboard very gingerly on top these standoffs and screw the motherboard into your case.

  12. WOOOOO!
    Now, the rule of thumb with everything else is simple. Almost
    everything else you install needs 2 things. One – connection to the
    motherboard, and Two – power from the power supply. This applies to CD
    drives and hard drives and floppy drives..etc


    .

  13. Connect the power and reset button switches from your computer case to your motherboard. You’re
    done! Celebrate with the stickiest of the icky with your ol’ boy Rick
    James
    . If Rick James is not available, try to get ahold of Charlie
    Murphy.
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