ah..so in my group of friends..there’s a fellow that, when under the
influence, delves deeply into conversations..and at most times, he goes
too deeply for any of us to understand what the hell he’s saying. he
had some real gems this weekend. as you can suspect, when you hear
these things..you have no choice but to laugh.

  1. Every time I go for a lighter, I feel like a burn victim.
  2. There is a law that gas must be in tune.
  3. You guys have the attention span of a pregnant whale.
  4. That’s for your car to eat, it’s not for you!
  5. The deadgate may stop you, but it will give your musical instrument back.
  6. When you lose your lighter, your first instinct is to start your child on fire.
  7. I’m a happily married man, but I don’t know why I’d want to be.
  8. I have unlocked your mind with my remote control. You must eat all the weeds and grass you can get.
  9. You look all warm and brisketey. You know, you’re thick and you keep heat.