At the tanning salon just yesterday, I heard an R&B song with a rapper declaring his love for Jesus and telling the world Jesus was his best friend. My first thought was to laugh. How hollow and silly of a reaction. The truth is, I don’t have a love for anyone like that, and in my insecurity my only reaction was a negative one.I feel like in those dark times I mentioned in the last two entries, that I lost my faith. Well, no, I *did*. I denounced God at one point,as I remember. It seemed all He did was Taketh away, and nothing made sense, or was clear.
There have been times since, when all I had, it seemed, was my faith. At least I had that leg to stand on, and I’m happy I did. I have been given some great talents and abilities and strengths, and I would be a fool not to appreciate and give thanks for those.
I am spiritual. I believe now more than ever that there is a plan; there is a reason for everything that happens. Oh, undeniably, it’s frustrating at times, and I feel like a pawn in a chess game. If I’m part of some destiny’s script, could you at least let me see my parts so I can act along?
I have to let that frustration go, it doesn’t serve me. I need to believe that even if I have nothing else, I have a greater reason for being and doing and surviving. I have to believe when the chips are down there’s always someone backing me up.
I have to find my way back.
Jenny
Jul 21, 2005 @ 14:33:19
SCROTUM KICKS!!!Just when you’re feeling down and out, these have an UNCANNY ability to cheer you up again and make everything right in the world.Or maybe just for me…?heheheFor what it’s worth, I have never believed in god, but I am trying desperately to explore what spirituality means to me and how it fits in my life. I’m with you, mang. :D
~*ριχ*~
Jul 21, 2005 @ 18:41:16
I am not a very religious person…I however do believe in God, or maybe a God?? I dunno. I think everyone loses Faith at one time or another and Q’s things…I have. Maybe in different aspects, but I have.Oh’ and thankx for stinkin up the space Bro!!!You scared the visiters off…Damn!!I laughed my ass of at your comments! I wonder about you sometimes! *lol**Farts, and closes door behind her*=)
٭˙º▪þus§ҰKặt▪º˙٭
Jul 21, 2005 @ 19:27:04
I see things in a very similar way…if you were able to connect spiritually before…you will find your way again… ~ ok fine…now I’m stopping the positivity…sorry…I’ll be negative…You Suck! LoL..xoxCiao.
n
Jul 21, 2005 @ 23:51:16
i went through this very recently. actually…i’ve been kinda through it off and on for a most of my life….but a biggie came recently that shook me up and forced me to see things with a different perspective. it’s a story much too long to type in here…but if you’re interested, ask me sometime when we’re talking.
Unknown
Jul 22, 2005 @ 03:45:13
Dude, you could have been describing me! I got to where I couldn’t believe that there was a God. Slipped from Agnostic to Atheist, and then He proved it to me irrevocably. Now I am more spiritual, and if I don’t feel that sometimes I am a pawn in a chess game, I have the feeling that I am part of the science experiment to top all science projects…It can get a person down but in the end, As the old man told another…One day you will KNOW! Take care man, and thanks for the comments on my space :)
Josie
Jul 22, 2005 @ 13:05:05
I’ll help you find your way back ….well …maybe not ..<evil grin> …the bad news yesterday …..3 of us in the building (of 9) …have to get rid of our pets within ten days or their breaking our lease ..cause some asshole …said it wasn’t fair ..and I’m thinking …so you’d rather rip a cat out of a little girls arms?? …well ..i believe in revenge asshole …so that’s what was wrong ….i’m more mad for her ….it’s her cat….thank god though my sister will take it so at least my kid go visit….