ugh..4 AM..i had such a horrible dream, and i can’t go back to sleep. (actually, this is my second, the first I was able to shake off.) i wish I knew what caused these dreams, where my subconscious pulls these things from and why it decides to display them at the times it does.

in my most foolish nightmares (like where a killer is after you), I’ve gained the ability to tell myself as an actor in those dreams that it’s not real. those types of dreams don’t bother me anymore.

but these..it’s so..fucked..to have my life’s failures distorted and replayed to me, all I can do is watch helplessly. whether I know it’s real or not, it really shakes me, and gives me a raw feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have to sit up and try not to think anything related to the dream, …read, blog, send emails, something. unfortunately, I have to eventually toddle back to bed, cringing against the pillows, hoping when my eyelids close my subconscious hasn’t prepared a version 2.0 nightmare for me to screen.

what do you do when you have a bad dream?

EDIT: this is gunna be my last entry for a while. I’m unplugging the PC so I can move it today..thanks to the stupid rain i can’t move anything in the truck. STUPID RAIN!

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