my original thought still hasn’t percolated for enough time to pour into an entry – so i’m going to write about some of my most memorable past squeezes and crushes. this is going to be a long entry, but it’s my fucking journal so I can do whatever I want

  1. sherri – definately my biggest crush. I met her way back when I was 12.. she was all brilliant blue eyes and platinum blonde hair.. she went along with my cousin to some family event and I worked up the courage to ask her to dance. i ended up requesting songs at the dj booth all night for her and I to dance to.. unfortunately, sherri lived too far away for puppy love to have a chance. I called her like, every sunday for a year, after that. I’ve seen her a few other times since.. she ended up getting married, I believe. she’s still absolutely stunning, and I can still remember her voice. soft and playful. she had a way of smiling at you that fit her voice..made you forget the words you wanted to say, yet said ‘i know something you don’t know, wanna guess what it is?’.
  2. amber – my first kiss, first date. she was an out of towner and I still wasn’t old enough to drive..but luckily I hung with a guy that dated her friend from the same town. it was an odd relationship that ended in two weeks, almost got patched up, then didn’t because I was grazing different pastures thinking amber had moved on. she found out.. oops 🙂
  3. carla b – driving age now, being cool and driving endlessly back and forth on the ‘cruise’ in humboldt, night after night. friend and I picked up a gaggle of girls when they were walking around. I had the hots for carla’s friend terri and actually asked carla to find out if terri was interested in me. that got turned around on me and carla and I started dating. once again, this was a short relationship. but it was cool, cuz we were at the age where we were stuck together at the lips..making out everywhere making out could be done, until your jaw was sore and you couldn’t make out anymore.
  4. nicole – haha, fuck. nicole was cool. and she was probably the best looking of the girls I dated..she looked alot like valerie bertinelli. we met one crazy night whilst my friend was off getting stunting tickets with my parent’s car, and I was at a house party. I was busy watching two drunk freaks try to cook dry dog food on a frying pan at the party, when my ass got grabbed. once, twice, three times she grabbed my ass – when finally I decided to ask her what the ass grabbing was about. she claimed she never grabbed my ass, and then we starting making out. huh? anyways, she was 3 years my senior, and I..er..learned the ways of the force with her. i had so many cool times with her (it wasn’t just the young, lusty, clumsy, hormone fueled sex, I swear). i’d duck appointments and brave conversations with my dad where my dad would insist she wasn’t a good girl to date because "she knew things I shouldn’t know yet".., I’d drive to the city weeknights just to see her. she’d pull liquor for me and my friends, and we’d get wasted on weekends. I remember one weekend, she got so drunk and decided she’d go for a canoe ride..she got in one side of the canoe and fell right out the other side facefirst on the sand. I still grin thinking about that. Then one day, I just decided to call her and break up with her. I have no idea why really.
  5. denea – she was a spitfire, a crazy chick..wiry little blond with freckles upon freckles.. again, our relationship was a byproduct of ‘cruising’ in humboldt. once, she got angry at me and chased me with a fork, and I was quite sure (and scared) she meant to use it. she could be hella fun and spontaneous, too, she’d get me to stop the car in the middle of the street if there was a good song on and would dance seductively in front of my car. she ended up cheating on me and told me about it.. i called her a foul venereal disease carrying streetwalking whore, and we split. we were still friends though sometime after that..and she got jealous whenever she saw me with my other humboldt squeezes. she would flag me on the cruise and insist on getting in the car with me and my woman and insist on riding shotgun. my other dates didn’t like denea..haha. they probably didn’t appreciate it that I would stop to pick her up, either
  6. josie – in my college years & beyond in lloydminster, i got pretty deep into a lot of online relationships..long before the age of cupid.com and instant messaging. josie was the only one I went to see. I took a suprise week off from work, and used the last 50 bucks from my account and borrowed money to take advantage of a seat sale to fly to LA. at first it was uncomfortable, but that melted away. the week was amazing, we did so many things together..the zoo, walks, movies, disneyland..made love…unfortunately, she was 10 years my senior, had two children, and just had come through a nasty divorce. we both really cared for each other..both cried when I was going through security in the airport to get on my plane home. i knew if I tried at that relationship, it would have worked..but I just couldn’t reconcile our differences in my head, especially the age gap. there was so much yet I felt I needed to experience, and I let her go. that was a hard one..I know I really broke her heart.

i’m out for a walk, those that could read through all of this without losing your retinas, hope you enjoyed it. i kinda feel better having reminisced about these ladies. you touch so many lives in so many ways when you’re alive..and some of the memories you create are timeless.

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