ok, here we go. conditioned response is a basic human tool that we have to learn from the things we do. it teaches us how to deal with simular situations that can have both positive and negative results. still with me? no?

Example 1: As a baby, we cry and make noise, and we get attention from our parents. Our brain makes the association that a condition for getting attention can be to cry or make noise. Example 2: We touch a hot stove, and we get hurt. You learn pretty quickly that you don’t want to be touching a hot stove again. Conditioned response can be a really useful tool.

I bring this up because something related has been kicking around in my head for some time but this weekend really kind of brought it to a hilt. I’ve complained a lot lately that people keep saying ‘we need to introduce you to her, and her, and her’ and I never even end up in proximity of anybody. Well, this weekend I got what I was asking for, and it threw me for a loop.

at the bbq on saturday, nekrekker and yoko invited over a friend that happened to be around my age, attractive, and single. there was plenty of time and opportunity to at least chat with her, but it was all I could do to squeak out a hi and a bye and pray I didn’t pass wind or drool on myself. again, later at the bar there were hordes of women. (the group I was with was quite capably pointing all of them out, hehe). I’m sure some would’ve enjoyed male company of my ridiculous sort..I just didn’t do anything though. i’m not going to beat myself up over it but both incidences really made me feel..gross…

culminating in my point, somewhere along the line I think i’ve become conditioned to fear talking to or approaching a woman (I wasn’t always thus conditioned), and I don’t know why or where it happened. I’m not even sure what the root of that fear would be.

I could try to hide behind saying "I’m shy", but really that’s just another way of saying "I’m afraid". The positive outcomes of sucking it up are much greater than any negative I know of. Honestly, there’s not much some girl that doesn’t know me from a hole in the ground could say to me, that I couldn’t recover from in a second. And if I don’t suck it up, how am I going to meet and get to know somebody to the point that I meet..well, whatever you want to call it. Soul-mate (hate that term), perfect match, love of a lifetime.

What bugs me most is..I wonder if what’s causing the fear is having a bad relationship again. Maybe ‘I’ need more fixing, reflection, and time, like several blog commenters have said, before I worry about trying to attract someone new into my space.