fuck you, all the women of the world.

see how I did that? it’s like the national enquirer. I make you angry with my headlines , which catches your attention, then in turn makes you want to read more. WAIT, don’t close the browser window. don’t you turn off your computer! don’t walk out of your dwelling! don’t come to my house to beat me with your womenly sticks. I really like women, honestly, I just needed to do that to trick y’all.

since everybody loves dave letterman and his daily lists, I thought I would engage you with yet another itemized list. My inspiration: After browsing a few blogs again today, I’ve spotted multiple ‘how guys can effectively kiss a girl’s ass’, ‘tips for boys’ lists, etc. I thought I’d go the other way.

today’s list is entitled things that women do that make me push my fingers into my eyes. (i can do this ‘cuz I’m single and apparently will stay there if I don’t keep my cakehole shut, lol).

  1. Being a ball buster. Lemme give you an example. Take the poor schlub in the bar, yeah, we’ll say his name is Edgar. Edgar spots someone he thinks he might like to approach, and since nowadays guys still have to do the approaching, Edgar works up the courage and the things he might say and gets a couple drinks down to settle his stomach, walks up, hands shaking, and nervously offers to buy the lady a drink. Lady and her catty friends laugh in Edgar’s face and say something about how they would rather a real man buy them drinks. It takes a lot of work for some guys to do the approaching, a little honesty and understanding would be nice, maybe even giving them, I dunno, a chance? And if you’re not interested, just say so. Isn’t necessary to hurt a guy’s pride before you turn them away. If he’s being a dick about it, yeah, fair game.
  2. Using your left brain powers to manipulate. Girls gentically have a better ability to read body language and manipulate the male gender using their body language. Just because you can lie and more easily get away with it, doesn’t mean you should. Honesty is seriously the best policy. No, honestly.
  3. Wanting men to read your minds. Women can often hold conversations between themselves using half sentences or even just body language and still understand what the other says. Guys are different. We get lost until you’ve conditioned us to understand how you communicate. We’re not completely thick, but think of it like this: girl is a different language, culture and way of thinking. Men need to be integrated and patiently taught. We need you to plainly and clearly say what you want and why you want it. That’s easy, right?
  4. Setting traps. Do I look fat in these pants? Would you still love me if I were a balding midget she-male? You get the idea. Would you want to answer these questions? Any woman want to tell me what the point of these questions is anyways?
  5. Chewing us out for things in front of company/friends. I know men that pull this shit too. My example, last week I was visiting with a friend when out of nowhere his wife comes up and exclaims: "When are you going to stop lying?". Ugh.
    Hold your tongue, and keep couple or personal issues between the two of you. Beaking your man in front of others achieves nothing, and worse – it embarasses us, makes you look like a bitch, and makes the rest of your conversation with your visitors awkward. And often this is the woman getting fed up to point because she hasn’t been clear with her man about what she wants, and she just explodes. See #3.
  6. Being too passionate when it comes to dark emotions. I have to be careful about this, because I know women are wired chemically different, and they have ebbs and..flows. In all seriousness though, like point #5, do you know a woman that will go off like a bomb and rip everything to shreds in sight when the toilet seat has been left up? Or start crying hysterically instead? Some things aren’t worth the effort or feeling we put into them, know what I’m saying? How long does it take for you to put the seat down?
That’s it. I appreciate comments and feedback, positive or negative. This is just opinion, remember.